i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize