it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
