I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
