guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
