When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
