What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
