he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.