i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
