I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
