So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
