That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
