i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
