Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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