She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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