So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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