it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
