I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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