Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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