talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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