I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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