just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You ruined the universe
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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