I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
