Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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