hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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