They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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