she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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