What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
