"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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