When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
