My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
