Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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