organizing the empties. That sober.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize