I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
