Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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