So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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