I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
