Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
