he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
