i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
