is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im holly from the hills drunk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
