using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
