Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
