I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
