i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
