Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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