I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
