You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
