Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
