we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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