I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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