are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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