Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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