Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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