Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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