I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
