I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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