New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
