Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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