I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
