if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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