I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
