He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
