hotel room ftw
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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