woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
