It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
