Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
