I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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