i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
