I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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