you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
