Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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