College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
