on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
