and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
