Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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